Category: inspiration

“It” Girl

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

I will never be an “it” girl.

I will never be a stunning model.

I will never have six pack abs,

Or perfect, luscious hair,

Or a flawless complexion.

No…

My figure is average, face…probably forgettable,

My pancita is soft,

Marked with the history of becoming of a mother,

My hair is unspectacular,

y un poquito loco when I decide not to tame it,

My face is blemished, minimally made-up,

if only for a lack of ganas to wear make-up.

No, I will never be an “it” girl.

I will never have hundreds of thousands of followers on my Instagram,

Probably never be discovered and skyrocket to fame for a hidden talent,

But I have mi familia y mis amigos loving, not just “liking” me,

I share my talents with those who care to listen and see without expectation,

I embrace my normalcy but thrive in my ability to be chingona,

I will never be an “it” girl,

But I am a strong, silver hoop-wearing Latina,

I am a capable, independent woman,

caring and doing for her son,

giving day and night everything that I can to see a better future for us,

Working every day to create wealth that can be passed down long after I am gone,

Breaking cycles of struggle and hardship,

Building a strong name for my family for generations to come,

Working hard and loving harder…

I will never be an “it” girl,

Because all of this Latina poder y fuerza cannot be contained

in a two letter word.

Positively Uncomfortable

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

It’s difficult to break away from what feels comfortable- that dingy, oversized t-shirt, those ratty tennis shoes you’ve had since high school, the super supportive, but ugly bra you’ve had for years. But there comes a time when it’s necessary to step out of your comfort zone and move forward. There comes a time when you have to think of the future and what’s best for you. That first step is daunting, even terrifying at times. You question yourself incessantly: “Is this the right choice?” “Will I regret it?” “What if I fail?” You might take a step backward in the process, returning to what’s easier rather than pushing forward, but what’s easier isn’t always what’s right.

I’ve found, at least for me, that being comfortable usually means becoming complacent… or simply settling for much less than you deserve. This is dangerous. We only have one life to go after the things that we want, to make our mark on the world, to change it in some way. When we settle for what’s comfortable, we settle for the bare minimum. We settle for living paycheck to paycheck, going without seeing the world, living day by day lazily. It’s definitely easier to do this. It requires minimal work ethic, drive, and motivation, but settling rarely gets us the true contentment that we all seek. No, it’s the challenging moves that truly push us along. It’s the moments in which we’ve taken some risk that truly help us to grow, help to define us, and help us to achieve our biggest goals.

I’ve made some uncomfortable decisions- difficult decisions- lately. It was the first step out of my comfort zone that was the hardest, and it’s far from over. I know that the days ahead of me will be tricky, the nights will be lonely, my son’s meltdowns will be hard to handle on my own, but I find comfort in knowing that I’m making a necessary change. A positive change. No matter how hard it may be to see that every day, I have my moments of clarity during which I know that I’m doing the right thing. Not the comfortable thing.

Back to school…?

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 2 Comments

I really need to manage my time better and post more regularly! It’s so hard figuring out how to balance my work life, mom life, and personal life…

So lately, as I previously expressed, I’ve been feeling like I’m in a rut. I wouldn’t say I’m absolutely disappointed with how my career is going, but I’m definitely discontent. Anyone who is close to me knows that my original plan was to make it big as a novelist, but I decided to study to become a professor, which I figured would give me a bit more job security. I was all for it. On my way. Graduated with my B.A. in English, then close to completion with my M.A. in English Literature and Language… so close. You see, I had an epiphany while nearing the end of my graduate coursework: tenure-tracked professors are becoming increasingly rare.

I remember seeing a mini-documentary (I WISH I could remember the name, but check out this insightful article: https://www.agb.org/trusteeship/2013/5/changing-academic-workforce ) about college professors living off welfare and struggling to make ends meet… AFTER accumulating tens of thousands in student debt. That killed me. Killed my dream of teaching at a collegiate level. I read into it, and, of course, found that there was an upward trend to hire adjunct. I think that was the exact moment my career path changed. I didn’t want to pursue it anymore; if I decided to stay and work through it, I’d still have to get my PhD to have a shot at landing a good job at a four-year university. But even then, who knew if I’d land a job?

So here I am, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life… what do I want to be when I grow up? 😂 I need something that can challenge me but also provide a good creative outlet. It’s hard figuring out exactly what that is… even harder getting past the thought that I’m wasting time and getting older every day that I’m not getting ahead. How do you ignore that voice in your head, saying “it’s too late?” The answer is: you don’t. Use that voice to propel yourself further ahead. Use that possibility for failure to push you to succeed. Sure, it’s easier said that done (I, for one, know this is going to be the challenge of my life), but nothing good in life is easily obtained. Sometimes we have to fight, struggle, maybe shed some blood, sweat, and tears… that’s what makes life interesting, after all.

So as I figure out what I’m going to do, where I am going to go, I encourage you to take that risk you’ve been dwelling on, go on that once-in-a-lifetime excursion that you’ve been dreaming of, or, shit! just buy the damn boat that you’ve been working toward! We only get to do this once… so do it!

The life of a mother artist… mortist? 🤔

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

Me with some of my work several years ago.
~This post contains Amazon Affiliate links.

So I haven’t painted consistently in years. I’ve previously sold a couple of pieces, but mostly paint as an outlet for my stress, worries, and frustrations. I had this blank canvas sitting around for probably two years, but never had the time (or maybe the inspiration?) to paint. After giving birth to my son, I felt a ton of stress and anxiety. Normal, everyone says, but I couldn’t just let it go without getting it out.

So, I got out the blank canvas, my Winsor and Newton oils (like this great set and medium: Winsor & Newton Artisan Water-Mixable Oil Colors, Assorted Colors, Set of 6,1.25 oz. andWinsor & Newton 75ml Artisan Water Mixable Linseed Oil Medium) and started painting… a brown base underneath, no plan, no idea of what would become of this canvas. That’s the best part! I love seeing my paintings take shape slowly. I rarely have a specific idea in mind. I just let the paints do the talking, so to speak. I usually start with some kind of base color, which just lays out a general shape or feel for the painting, then I build over that. Here is what my base looked like for this work-in-progress (excuse the bad lighting; it was already baby’s bedtime when this was taken!):

Doesn’t look like a whole lotta anything at that phase but after adding some color in a second layer, I started seeing something:

You’ll notice my charcoal outline on the base layer…

Now, here I am, a whole three months down the road and starting it back up again! Haha! Here is what I have now:

It’s definitely shaping up, but still a long way out. Hopefully not another three months, though! 😂

So, what are your muses? What is your favorite artsy weapon of choice? Leave a comment and don’t forget to follow for more art, family, food, and other musings!

My tripod easel is this exact one but in a lighter color. The reviews say the instructions to put it together suck, which they did, but I’m no rocket scientist and still got it done! It’s sturdy enough and does the job!

I use disposable pallete paper, which makes cleaning so easy! just toss it when you’re done!

Threw Away 2018

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 3 Comments

Where do I go from here?

I threw away my 2018 desk calendar today. I thumbed through the pages before throwing it in the recycle bin. It’s interesting to see all the big events 2018 had in store for me penned in. “Gender Reveal ❤️,” “Out in pm dad stroke,” “baby shower ❤️,” “Due Date,” then two months blank from when I was on maternity leave with my chulito.

So many major events and life changes happened over the last year; my life drastically changed. I’m no longer an independent, do-for-myself chingona. I’m now a mother to a wonderful and smart little boy. It’s so challenging and tiring. Don’t get me wrong; it’s one of the most fantastic experiences of my life thus far…. but why can’t I shake the feeling that all that I am now is a mother? And a wife, to a lesser degree. I’ve somehow lost a lot of myself.

I ended 2018 with a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be? Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Something fulfilling for me intellectually and spiritually…. I’ve been lacking that for a greater part of the last several years. Having a baby changed my perspective on so much. I see the world differently, perhaps less idealistically. It’s a harsh world. I feel so protective of my papicito. I feel so saddened by all the bad news and a general loss of sympathy from the human race. So what do I do? What can I do? It’s hard to see anything too far in the future. Probably because my husband and I struggle so much financially, and definitely because the world seems so screwy. Life has thrown me some curve balls. I didn’t expect to get pregnant. I didn’t expect my dad to get sick and lose his ability to work. It all just happened. So, it leaves me feeling like I’m doing so little to better my son’s life, to help my parents out, or to reach my personal goals. I feel stuck.

Amazon affiliate link for my go-to stress relief remedy:

My resolution for 2019 is simple. Get unstuck. Find something that motivates me. Make some tangible goals and reach them. My first goal: create a blog as a creative outlet, and stick with it. My second goal: financial stability/ pay off debt. My third goal (and probably the hardest to reach): own a home. While I don’t expect to reach the third one, I’m going to try. That’s all we really can do, I suppose.

What are your resolutions for 2019?