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The Dread of Flying with Baby

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 7 Comments

Tomorrow, my Lost Readers, I embark on my first travel venture with my 15-month old son. I AM STRESSING, y’all! I tell people that my son has hit the terrible twos early… so you can imagine my anxiety of flying with my baby for the first time.

We are headed to Mexico City so his paternal abuelos can meet him for the first time! While I am excited for everyone to finally meet face-to-face (they have an ongoing FaceTime relationship so far), I mentally can’t get past the airport and flight! I’ve read article after article about flying with an infant; I purchased flights that coincide with his sleep schedule, am packing a surplus of snacks, and even bought new toys to keep him entertained on the plane… but I dread an airport or on-board meltdown!

Any tips on keeping baby calm and maybe even helping him to sleep on the plane?

Positively Uncomfortable

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

It’s difficult to break away from what feels comfortable- that dingy, oversized t-shirt, those ratty tennis shoes you’ve had since high school, the super supportive, but ugly bra you’ve had for years. But there comes a time when it’s necessary to step out of your comfort zone and move forward. There comes a time when you have to think of the future and what’s best for you. That first step is daunting, even terrifying at times. You question yourself incessantly: “Is this the right choice?” “Will I regret it?” “What if I fail?” You might take a step backward in the process, returning to what’s easier rather than pushing forward, but what’s easier isn’t always what’s right.

I’ve found, at least for me, that being comfortable usually means becoming complacent… or simply settling for much less than you deserve. This is dangerous. We only have one life to go after the things that we want, to make our mark on the world, to change it in some way. When we settle for what’s comfortable, we settle for the bare minimum. We settle for living paycheck to paycheck, going without seeing the world, living day by day lazily. It’s definitely easier to do this. It requires minimal work ethic, drive, and motivation, but settling rarely gets us the true contentment that we all seek. No, it’s the challenging moves that truly push us along. It’s the moments in which we’ve taken some risk that truly help us to grow, help to define us, and help us to achieve our biggest goals.

I’ve made some uncomfortable decisions- difficult decisions- lately. It was the first step out of my comfort zone that was the hardest, and it’s far from over. I know that the days ahead of me will be tricky, the nights will be lonely, my son’s meltdowns will be hard to handle on my own, but I find comfort in knowing that I’m making a necessary change. A positive change. No matter how hard it may be to see that every day, I have my moments of clarity during which I know that I’m doing the right thing. Not the comfortable thing.

Think long and hard about it…

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 2 Comments

I remember, years ago, anticipating the day of my wedding. I envisioned a huge, white wedding, flowers and sparkles everywhere, the man of my dreams waiting at the end of a aisle for me. I expected unconditional love, peace, happiness, and understanding. Fast-forward to the age of 28 and my ideas of marriage and love have vastly changed. I have been married for nearly eight years and have struggled to maintain a positive marriage for a majority of that time. We are on the brink of a failed marriage…

When I think back to where it may have gone wrong, I wrestle with the reality that it was probably wrong from the very beginning. Firstly, I was married so young… at the age of 20. A lot of people have successfully found their lifetime partner at that age, some even younger, but the truth is that I was too young. I had a lot of growing up and experiencing to do… doing those things alone can be a lot, but trying to do those things with another person is even harder. It’s like a battle between figuring out what you want for yourself, understanding your true identity, and forcing those new discoveries to fit your role as a spouse; it doesn’t always mesh. Secondly, I wasn’t totally sure of myself. I didn’t know with absolute certainty that I wanted to get married, but I did it anyway. That may have been the greatest mistake of all. Not listening to my self-doubt. It’s there for a reason.

So while I try to navigate my way through separation and the foggy future ahead of me, I just want to put my two cents out there: think long and hard about the commitment, patience, and flexibility that is necessary for a successful marriage. It isn’t always unconditional love, peace, happiness, and rose-colored everything. It’s a true test of strength and integrity.

I’m not built for this anymore!

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

After a very difficult week of health-related issues, my husband and I decided to go out Friday evening with some friends. Before I had my son, we were out all the time, going for a few drinks but coming home like a couple of borrachos. It usually ended up with one of us passed out as soon as we hit the bed, sleeping until 11 a.m., waking up as hungover as can be, and feeling fine after eating lunch.

Let me just say this: I CANNOT HANG ANYMORE!

The “mom life” really squashed my inner party animal! Lol! It didn’t just affect me, either. Hubs was just as out of it as I was. We went to a few bars, ended up only drinking one beer per place (which is uncharacteristic of both of us… we’d usually be shooting liquors and downing a couple of beers per place!), and decided to call it a night at about 1:30 a.m. We both kept yawning like viejos and admitted that we just kept thinking about baby, sleeping the night away at home.

Y’all, parenthood hit us hard! Yes, I realized it wasn’t going to be the same, but we were both so excited to be out and have fun without worries. Our bodies just weren’t up for that, I suppose, and that’s ok. One of the greatest things that I have learned after becoming a mother is that I can’t stop time; I have to let things go, no matter how difficult it is; I have to accept that my life has changed for the better, which means that I won’t be able to make decisions the same way as before. My son will always be at the forefront, influencing every decision I make. Becoming a mom really felt like becoming a real adult for me, if that makes sense? There is more to think about beside myself now.

So, our night ended earlier than we thought and with less excitement that in the old days, but coming home to my sleeping angel made the night 100 percent better. Guess we will just stick to bumming around at home to drink a few, if we find ourselves craving a cold one again! Cheers 🍻

Threw Away 2018

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 3 Comments

Where do I go from here?

I threw away my 2018 desk calendar today. I thumbed through the pages before throwing it in the recycle bin. It’s interesting to see all the big events 2018 had in store for me penned in. “Gender Reveal ❤️,” “Out in pm dad stroke,” “baby shower ❤️,” “Due Date,” then two months blank from when I was on maternity leave with my chulito.

So many major events and life changes happened over the last year; my life drastically changed. I’m no longer an independent, do-for-myself chingona. I’m now a mother to a wonderful and smart little boy. It’s so challenging and tiring. Don’t get me wrong; it’s one of the most fantastic experiences of my life thus far…. but why can’t I shake the feeling that all that I am now is a mother? And a wife, to a lesser degree. I’ve somehow lost a lot of myself.

I ended 2018 with a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be? Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Something fulfilling for me intellectually and spiritually…. I’ve been lacking that for a greater part of the last several years. Having a baby changed my perspective on so much. I see the world differently, perhaps less idealistically. It’s a harsh world. I feel so protective of my papicito. I feel so saddened by all the bad news and a general loss of sympathy from the human race. So what do I do? What can I do? It’s hard to see anything too far in the future. Probably because my husband and I struggle so much financially, and definitely because the world seems so screwy. Life has thrown me some curve balls. I didn’t expect to get pregnant. I didn’t expect my dad to get sick and lose his ability to work. It all just happened. So, it leaves me feeling like I’m doing so little to better my son’s life, to help my parents out, or to reach my personal goals. I feel stuck.

Amazon affiliate link for my go-to stress relief remedy:

My resolution for 2019 is simple. Get unstuck. Find something that motivates me. Make some tangible goals and reach them. My first goal: create a blog as a creative outlet, and stick with it. My second goal: financial stability/ pay off debt. My third goal (and probably the hardest to reach): own a home. While I don’t expect to reach the third one, I’m going to try. That’s all we really can do, I suppose.

What are your resolutions for 2019?