Tag: Blog

Positively Uncomfortable

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

It’s difficult to break away from what feels comfortable- that dingy, oversized t-shirt, those ratty tennis shoes you’ve had since high school, the super supportive, but ugly bra you’ve had for years. But there comes a time when it’s necessary to step out of your comfort zone and move forward. There comes a time when you have to think of the future and what’s best for you. That first step is daunting, even terrifying at times. You question yourself incessantly: “Is this the right choice?” “Will I regret it?” “What if I fail?” You might take a step backward in the process, returning to what’s easier rather than pushing forward, but what’s easier isn’t always what’s right.

I’ve found, at least for me, that being comfortable usually means becoming complacent… or simply settling for much less than you deserve. This is dangerous. We only have one life to go after the things that we want, to make our mark on the world, to change it in some way. When we settle for what’s comfortable, we settle for the bare minimum. We settle for living paycheck to paycheck, going without seeing the world, living day by day lazily. It’s definitely easier to do this. It requires minimal work ethic, drive, and motivation, but settling rarely gets us the true contentment that we all seek. No, it’s the challenging moves that truly push us along. It’s the moments in which we’ve taken some risk that truly help us to grow, help to define us, and help us to achieve our biggest goals.

I’ve made some uncomfortable decisions- difficult decisions- lately. It was the first step out of my comfort zone that was the hardest, and it’s far from over. I know that the days ahead of me will be tricky, the nights will be lonely, my son’s meltdowns will be hard to handle on my own, but I find comfort in knowing that I’m making a necessary change. A positive change. No matter how hard it may be to see that every day, I have my moments of clarity during which I know that I’m doing the right thing. Not the comfortable thing.

Back to school…?

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 2 Comments

I really need to manage my time better and post more regularly! It’s so hard figuring out how to balance my work life, mom life, and personal life…

So lately, as I previously expressed, I’ve been feeling like I’m in a rut. I wouldn’t say I’m absolutely disappointed with how my career is going, but I’m definitely discontent. Anyone who is close to me knows that my original plan was to make it big as a novelist, but I decided to study to become a professor, which I figured would give me a bit more job security. I was all for it. On my way. Graduated with my B.A. in English, then close to completion with my M.A. in English Literature and Language… so close. You see, I had an epiphany while nearing the end of my graduate coursework: tenure-tracked professors are becoming increasingly rare.

I remember seeing a mini-documentary (I WISH I could remember the name, but check out this insightful article: https://www.agb.org/trusteeship/2013/5/changing-academic-workforce ) about college professors living off welfare and struggling to make ends meet… AFTER accumulating tens of thousands in student debt. That killed me. Killed my dream of teaching at a collegiate level. I read into it, and, of course, found that there was an upward trend to hire adjunct. I think that was the exact moment my career path changed. I didn’t want to pursue it anymore; if I decided to stay and work through it, I’d still have to get my PhD to have a shot at landing a good job at a four-year university. But even then, who knew if I’d land a job?

So here I am, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life… what do I want to be when I grow up? 😂 I need something that can challenge me but also provide a good creative outlet. It’s hard figuring out exactly what that is… even harder getting past the thought that I’m wasting time and getting older every day that I’m not getting ahead. How do you ignore that voice in your head, saying “it’s too late?” The answer is: you don’t. Use that voice to propel yourself further ahead. Use that possibility for failure to push you to succeed. Sure, it’s easier said that done (I, for one, know this is going to be the challenge of my life), but nothing good in life is easily obtained. Sometimes we have to fight, struggle, maybe shed some blood, sweat, and tears… that’s what makes life interesting, after all.

So as I figure out what I’m going to do, where I am going to go, I encourage you to take that risk you’ve been dwelling on, go on that once-in-a-lifetime excursion that you’ve been dreaming of, or, shit! just buy the damn boat that you’ve been working toward! We only get to do this once… so do it!

Moving day

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment
~ this post may contain affiliate links.

Despite my greatest efforts to avoid moving, we have been told by our landlord that we have to move out. We had requested an extension on our lease, but he is selling the home. Since we are not in a position to buy, we have to move on… So, after a laborious search through various rental properties, we finally signed a contract for a two-story home for the next two years. While I am glad and grateful that our soon-to-be landlord allowed us to extend the lease much longer then the original contract offered, let me just say…I hate moving!

Since I started living on my own, I have moved probably once a year because of the consistent hike in rent in apartment homes. Last year, my husband and I decided to try a rental home with the hope that we would not have to move for a couple of years. Unfortunately, the circumstances weren’t so, and here we are: moving again. So I’m spending the bulk of my week and weekend packing box after box after box of crap that we mostly don’t use but can’t seem to give up, and I’m realizing that moving was hard before but now, with a baby, it’s near impossible. I have enlisted my parents to watch baby G while I try to finish packing everything in this house over the next several days… hoping it goes smoothly and quickly.

There’s something about moving that makes me feel like I’m closing a chapter in my book, hoping for a better subsequent one. It’s like starting fresh, a new beginning… Sifting through the old and worthless junk, putting aside the things you are uncertain about, safely packing away the things that are most valuable to you. It’s a long and tedious process, but it helps you to better define what your future expectations are and how you can obtain new goals. Moving sucks, but sometimes, no matter how hard, you can see the beauty in it. It’s time to embrace a fresh start! Keep my mind open to the latest chapter in my book with grace and positivity. Or, at least, fake it until I make it haha cheers!

I’m not built for this anymore!

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ Leave a comment

After a very difficult week of health-related issues, my husband and I decided to go out Friday evening with some friends. Before I had my son, we were out all the time, going for a few drinks but coming home like a couple of borrachos. It usually ended up with one of us passed out as soon as we hit the bed, sleeping until 11 a.m., waking up as hungover as can be, and feeling fine after eating lunch.

Let me just say this: I CANNOT HANG ANYMORE!

The “mom life” really squashed my inner party animal! Lol! It didn’t just affect me, either. Hubs was just as out of it as I was. We went to a few bars, ended up only drinking one beer per place (which is uncharacteristic of both of us… we’d usually be shooting liquors and downing a couple of beers per place!), and decided to call it a night at about 1:30 a.m. We both kept yawning like viejos and admitted that we just kept thinking about baby, sleeping the night away at home.

Y’all, parenthood hit us hard! Yes, I realized it wasn’t going to be the same, but we were both so excited to be out and have fun without worries. Our bodies just weren’t up for that, I suppose, and that’s ok. One of the greatest things that I have learned after becoming a mother is that I can’t stop time; I have to let things go, no matter how difficult it is; I have to accept that my life has changed for the better, which means that I won’t be able to make decisions the same way as before. My son will always be at the forefront, influencing every decision I make. Becoming a mom really felt like becoming a real adult for me, if that makes sense? There is more to think about beside myself now.

So, our night ended earlier than we thought and with less excitement that in the old days, but coming home to my sleeping angel made the night 100 percent better. Guess we will just stick to bumming around at home to drink a few, if we find ourselves craving a cold one again! Cheers 🍻

Threw Away 2018

~ Story of a Lost Latina ~ 3 Comments

Where do I go from here?

I threw away my 2018 desk calendar today. I thumbed through the pages before throwing it in the recycle bin. It’s interesting to see all the big events 2018 had in store for me penned in. “Gender Reveal ❤️,” “Out in pm dad stroke,” “baby shower ❤️,” “Due Date,” then two months blank from when I was on maternity leave with my chulito.

So many major events and life changes happened over the last year; my life drastically changed. I’m no longer an independent, do-for-myself chingona. I’m now a mother to a wonderful and smart little boy. It’s so challenging and tiring. Don’t get me wrong; it’s one of the most fantastic experiences of my life thus far…. but why can’t I shake the feeling that all that I am now is a mother? And a wife, to a lesser degree. I’ve somehow lost a lot of myself.

I ended 2018 with a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be? Lately, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Something fulfilling for me intellectually and spiritually…. I’ve been lacking that for a greater part of the last several years. Having a baby changed my perspective on so much. I see the world differently, perhaps less idealistically. It’s a harsh world. I feel so protective of my papicito. I feel so saddened by all the bad news and a general loss of sympathy from the human race. So what do I do? What can I do? It’s hard to see anything too far in the future. Probably because my husband and I struggle so much financially, and definitely because the world seems so screwy. Life has thrown me some curve balls. I didn’t expect to get pregnant. I didn’t expect my dad to get sick and lose his ability to work. It all just happened. So, it leaves me feeling like I’m doing so little to better my son’s life, to help my parents out, or to reach my personal goals. I feel stuck.

Amazon affiliate link for my go-to stress relief remedy:

My resolution for 2019 is simple. Get unstuck. Find something that motivates me. Make some tangible goals and reach them. My first goal: create a blog as a creative outlet, and stick with it. My second goal: financial stability/ pay off debt. My third goal (and probably the hardest to reach): own a home. While I don’t expect to reach the third one, I’m going to try. That’s all we really can do, I suppose.

What are your resolutions for 2019?